The True Click – A Super Story Start to an Exciting New Year
It’s a new year, and a new name for the blog. We’re calling it, ‘How To Click With People,’ the same name as my new book, due in June 2011, from Hyperion Books. The intent of the blog remains the same, which is to empower readers to make a positive difference, through persuasive communication and life skills. But all relationships begin with a ‘click,’ and all success depends on it too.
It seems only fitting somehow that we launch into the year with a story, and in this case it’s the story about someone that I really click with. This story was in my book proposal, but didn’t make it into the final book. I’m happy to share it with you here, and eager to hear what you think of it. Here goes…
If you’ve ever tried to Click with a superhero, you know how hard it can be. Sure, they’re heroic, romantic, good-hearted, good-looking, and prone to always putting other people first. On the down side –yes, the downside — they (seemingly) have no flaws. And they are isolated and ultimately unknowable: the masks, the secret identities, and, at least in one famous case, even a Fortress of Solitude. Click that!
Lois Lane struggled as long and hard as anyone to click with her superhero of choice. In the Christopher Reeves movie version, she seems to get her click, with a long flight through the night sky. But here Lois confuses clicking with fantasy fulfillment. And it is surely not a true click for Superman either. He can’t tell her who he really is! The comic book version of their romance gets it right. There, it isn’t until Superman finally reveals his identity to Lois, until she finds out he’s lonely and vulnerable (at least to kryptonite) – that, in fact, he is really more man than he is super – that they can truly click. (And, as portrayed in the comics, they can then get married).
This is the True Click. You see someone for who they really are (neither fully Superman nor hapless Clark Kent), the foibles, the secrets, all their wonderful human-ness, and you click with that. Not with your idea of somebody, but with that actual somebody, just as they are.
It can be quite easy to seem to click with someone without creating a True Click. Sometimes, what you experience is a quick click, and that is all you need – you get your smile from the guy making your double latte, or the information you need from a clerk. Sometimes it’s a one-sided click (it was good for me, but wasn’t so good for you), which isn’t really a click at all. And sometimes it walks like a click and talks like a click – in fact it is a click – but it’s essentially off target. You click with the good looking guy at the bar (but later find out he’s married), or click with a professor in class (only to discover she’s not nearly so insightful once she’s not working from notes). You form an idea about someone that doesn’t match up to the reality. For a click to be satisfying and lasting, to be a True Click, it’s going to have to be based on more than first impressions, suppositions, or all out fantasy. It’s going to have to be based on what makes people tick: Values, motivations, positions taken, self concept and the other variables that account for the incredible diversity of human beings. You don’t have to be a hero to click with people. But you do have to understand what makes people tick.
With that, we’re off and running with a new year of blog posts. This year, I’ll be doing more short posts along with longer posts like this one, and sharing other resources via our Facebook Fan Page (please visit it and click the ‘like button!) Visit my blog once a week, leave me your feedback, and tell me about your challenges in building and developing successful relationships that produce good results in your life!
Here’s to a great year,
Rick is a best selling author and the founder of the Art of Change Skills for Life. His book titles include, Dealing with People You Can’t Stand: How to bring out the best in people at their worst, Life by Design and Influence and the Art of Persuasion. These days he is spending quality time away from the spotlight enjoying the company of his wife and practicing his electric guitar.