Wrong is nature’s way of telling you that a course correction is in order. The feeling of doing something wrong is a feedback mechanism, a way of signaling to you that you have other choices, new choices, that you can make. You’ll stop feeling shame when you turn anger at yourself or the other person into forgiveness, and then turn the guilt into a commitment.
If a person has enough trust in you, they may quickly let go of their personal reality in favor of the one you offer. Building trust is essential. So just how do you do that?
Some people are more practiced at assigning blame than others. There is no point in arguing with them. Much conflict comes down to blaming statements. Yet more often than not, no matter how reasonable these blaming statements sound, more often than not they are made up of reasons that don’t hold up to scrutiny.
Every semester, the students change but the questions I hear remain the same. Where am I coming from with these agreements? Why do I think it so important to the well being of these students that I’m willing to spend precious time on it, time that I could just as well put into teaching other things that might be valuable for my students? What justifies the use of so much class time for these agreements?
The blending made possible by your shared values allows you to work through differences without the differences undermining your work, to disagree without being disagreeable. Here’s the case in point:
An article that includes a quote from Dr. Rick Kirschner, written by Joanne Richard, of Sun Media, on chain letters that you get in your email, has appeared quickly, (one might almost say virally) in newspapers across Canada and the world. It’s a fun read.