What is the Role of Resonance in Relationships?
I actually do think there is something that might roughly be called a law of attraction that is at work in the universe. I think of it as the approximate rule (not law) of resonance. In this final post in my blog series on attraction of likes and opposites and how this figures into our persuasive communication, I will attempt to answer the question, “What is the role of resonance in relationships?”
It turns out that resonance is a common and observable phenomenon, and, in fact, may be one of the most amazing and unexpected phenomena in our universe. Resonance can be found running through just about every aspect of physics, but most people are unfamiliar with it. It makes many things possible including music, radio and TV. You can hear the sound of resonance in the Universe itself! Check out this clip about the sound of Jupiter…the planet, not the Roman god…
Nikola Tesla, extraordinary inventor and genius of electricity, was obsessed with resonance. He once caused a small earthquake in his laboratory using it, which had the definite result of broken windows, shaking buildings and people running out into the street throughout his Manhattan neighborhood.
How does resonance work? Well, we know that a vibrating object can somehow filter out other frequencies in a complex excitation or vibrational stimulus, and respond by picking out its resonant frequencies and vibrating at its natural rate.
But how does all this translate into human terms? I suppose for this to make sense, we’d have to talk about people as if there are frequencies involved, right? As in, you and I are on the same frequency! Or we could talk about vibrations, as in ‘I’m diggin’ those good vibrations!’ Or we could just keep it simple and talk about resonating, as in ‘I really resonate with what you’re saying.’ Or we could use the term wavelengths, as in ‘we’re on the same wavelength!’
When dance movements are synchronized, they take on a sense of wholeness that moves those of us watching it. When people sing together in harmony (voices resonating the same frequencies), the effect is often profoundly moving for those listening to it. And when people are so in sync that they can practically complete each other’s sentences, we who bear witness marvel at the resonance between them.
So there is some aspect of this natural phenomenon at work in us, in our world and in our lives. Just as we are part of the universe rather than apart from it, the same principles and effects by which nature does what nature does are at work in our lives.
With what do we resonate in each other? The foundational stuff, to be sure. Our values. If my values and your values are similar, we detect that pattern of resonance and begin to share an orbit. People form organizations around their shared values, volunteer their time and energy and money in service to those values, work with great diligence to effect the world based on those values.
We resonate when we have a shared background. If you and I come from a similar background, heard in our accents and colloquialisms, we detect a pattern of resonance and our sense of connection grows. Our way with words. People who have served in the military or other form of national service resonate with others who share this background. My daughter served in Americorps, and the friendships she made during her national service continue to be among her most cherished ones. People who have gone through tragedy and triumph together find resonance in the memories of it.
And we resonate with people with whom we have current experience in common. Getting married? Having a baby? Going through loss? Getting downsized? Starting a business? Wishing you were rich? You resonate with people who are walking in your shoes, or talking about your fears and desires.
In the complex excitation of life, the fact is that people have a wonderful and natural ability to filter out other frequencies and signals and resonate with matching ones.
Resonance doesn’t mean that you’ll attract people and events that weren’t there all along. But if you pay attention to what’s already there, you can resonate with it and make something of it. If you choose to resonate with people, to allow resonance to be the main frequency in the relationship, the resulting rapport and communication potential is dramaticaly enhanced. And matching those frequencies and signals is what blending is all about. Read about it here. This idea is at the core of the art of persuasion, and effectively dealing with difficult people, too!
I’d love to know if you resonate with what I’ve written. Your comments and feedback are always welcome.
In order to keep the blog going, I’ve got to write about something. Sometimes, I write about skills you can use. Sometimes, I write about the meaning of events. Sometimes, we explore the belief-behavior-experience dynamic of self fulfilling prophecy. Sometimes, I write about the use of persuasion in various aspects of human endeavor, like business, and politics, and the business of politics. And sometimes, I just vent while waiting for a better idea. I’m not saying which of these is behind my next post, but I’ll begin next week’s blog entries with my answer to one of the most searched questions on the series of tubes that is the internet – How Can You Get Rich On The Internet? Hint: Get lots of people to send you their money!
And, for the sake of contrast, here’s a reminder of something available to you from me for free (In other words, it’s not going to make me rich, but it might make a difference in YOUR life!) If you haven’t already, swing by LearnToPersuade.com and take advantage of a limited time offer for a free listen to my $49 audio program on Dealing With People You Can’t Stand. You’ll find this fun filled audio to be loaded with useful ideas to deal with the pushy people, negative people, distracting and disruptive people, the, er, difficult people in your life.